Lucifer's Lantern

  Leaders explore shared structure to address decline in participation—while eyeing potential funding from the LDS Church. Chicago, August 2025 — Representatives from several major Christian denominations met last week to explore the formation of the One Church Network , a proposed collaborative structure aimed at consolidating resources and countering long-term decline in church attendance. While the framework remains in early development, organizers hope the Network could serve as a cooperative umbrella across Protestant, Evangelical, Anglican, and some Catholic communities. The goal is to streamline administration, reduce redundancies, and restore public engagement without requiring theological conformity. However, one internal discussion has sparked cautious debate: whether to seek financial support from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A Logical but Complicated Backer The LDS Church, with its extensive financial reserves, global infrastructure, and aggre...

In a formal statement released this morning, the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced that, as of today, the Church is officially and fully true. “For nearly 200 years, the Church has moved forward through continuing revelation,” said President Russell M. Nelson. “That process has brought us to this moment. As of 8:46 a.m. Mountain Time, we affirm that the Church is now doctrinally complete, organizationally aligned, and spiritually whole. The Church is true. Starting... now. ” President Dallin H. Oaks emphasized that the announcement does not deny or discredit the teachings of earlier prophets. “Everything that came before should be understood as part of what we already understood was a continuing restoration,” he said. “Today marks the point at which the gospel has officially been restored.” The Church's official newsroom confirmed that all prior doctrinal contradictions, historical complexities, and structural inconsiste...

SALT LAKE CITY — General Conference attendance skyrocketed to record-breaking levels this weekend after rumors spread that free Costco samples would be available in the Conference Center following the Saturday afternoon session. Church officials were reportedly "shocked and delighted" to see every seat filled, with lines wrapping around Temple Square an hour before the session even began. "It was truly inspiring," said Elder James Crawford. "The Spirit was palpable. I haven’t seen this many people at Conference since President Hinckley’s funeral, and even that didn’t have this level of enthusiasm." The rumors began earlier in the week after an ambiguous post on the official church website mentioned "refreshments to follow." Speculation spread rapidly on social media, with one user posting, "If it’s Costco samples, I’m driving up from Arizona." Another added, "If they’ve got those mini quiches and the chicken bakes, I’m ...

SALT LAKE CITY — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has formally entered into an exclusive partnership with Windsor Kärcher Group, designating the Windsor Versamatic as the official vacuum cleaner for all Church facilities, including chapels, temples, and administrative buildings. “For decades, the Windsor Versamatic has been trusted by ward volunteers,” said Elder Craig L. Nielsen of the Church Facilities Department. “This decision reflects our commitment to maintaining a clean and reverent environment in every building where members gather.” The Windsor Versamatic, known for its commercial-grade performance and exceptional durability, is a dual-motor upright vacuum available in 14-inch and 18-inch models. It features a 1.6 HP vacuum motor and a separate 1.1 HP brush motor, allowing simultaneous suction and agitation for deep cleaning across high-traffic carpeted areas. The machine includes a three-stage filtration system, including a top-fill filter bag, moto...

PROVO, UT — After officially resigning from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, local resident Jared Simmons expected a significant shift in his relationships. Instead, he was surprised to find that most of his friends seemed largely indifferent to the news. Simmons, 32, had spent months mentally preparing for the fallout. “I assumed there would be some tough conversations, maybe even a few strained relationships,” he said. “I was prepared to lose some friends over this.” However, the reaction was far more muted than expected. When he told his close friend Josh about his decision, the response was underwhelming. “He just said, ‘Oh, okay,’ and moved on,” Simmons said. “I thought he’d want to know more, or at least ask why.” Simmons shared similar experiences with other friends. “I told a friend I’d officially left the Church, and she just said, ‘That makes sense,’ and kept talking about her weekend plans,” he said. “It felt like they barely registered what I was...

SALT LAKE CITY — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced a partnership with La-Z-Boy to provide more comfortable seating in Relief Society rooms, aiming to create a more welcoming and supportive environment for women’s meetings. “For years, we've heard from members that the seating in Relief Society rooms was uncomfortable and distracting,” said Elder Craig L. Nielsen of the Church’s Facilities Department. “We recognize the important role that Relief Society plays in the spiritual and social lives of our members, and we want to ensure that these meetings are as comfortable and inviting as possible.” The new seating will feature padded cushions with durable, stain-resistant fabric and ergonomic back support. Each chair will also have a slight reclining function to provide additional comfort during longer lessons and discussions. The fabric will be selected in soft, neutral tones to match the existing décor in Church buildings. “This upgrade reflects...

SALT LAKE CITY — Scholars have discovered the long-lost Book of Joseph , a sacred text Joseph Smith claimed to translate from Egyptian papyri that he acquired in 1835. Thought lost after Smith’s death, the manuscript was recently found in a private collection in New York City and authenticated by experts. But the contents have left many raising their eyebrows — because it’s basically one long prophecy about Joseph Smith himself. Vignette described in 1835 by Oliver Cowdery as coming from the Book of Joseph, allegedly depicting Eve's temptation by the serpent The Book of Joseph expands on the biblical story of Joseph of Egypt, describing his rise to power, prophetic dreams, and visions of Moses and the coming Messiah. But much of the text focuses on a future seer named Joseph who would "restore the fullness of truth" and "translate records from the dust." Dr. Andrew Marshall, professor of religious history at BYU, said, "It’s remarkab...

  President Nelson Clarifies Statement on Jesus Being "Central" to the Church — "We Meant More Like a Supporting Role." Lucifer's Lantern, March 24, 2025 SALT LAKE CITY — President Russell M. Nelson recently clarified that while Jesus Christ is important, the true focus of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints remains on following the prophet. In a statement released after growing speculation about the church’s evolving emphasis on prophetic authority, Nelson explained that Jesus Christ plays a role in the church’s doctrine, but the day-to-day leadership and guidance of the church comes through modern prophets. This view aligns with long-standing church doctrine that places continuing revelation through modern prophets at the core of church governance and spiritual life. The prophet is seen as the Lord’s mouthpiece, and members are taught that sustaining the prophet and following his counsel is the surest way to align with God’s will. Church historian ...