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[Satire] Mormon Church Approves Missionary Tattoos to Boost Street Cred

Salt Lake City — August 2025

In an unexpected update to the Missionary Handbook, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has officially began allowing tattoos for full-time missionaries “when spiritually appropriate and strategically effective.”

The new policy was piloted in select urban missions where traditional outreach efforts have struggled to gain traction. A press release from Church headquarters explained, “In today’s world, authenticity builds trust. If a small, intentional tattoo helps missionaries connect with those they serve, it’s worth considering.”

Under the policy, tattoos are optional and require direct approval from the mission president. Final design decisions will be made on a case-by-case basis, taking into account the missionary’s assignment, intended message, and overall vibe.

Elder Halverson, currently serving in the Seattle Washington Mission, received permission to get a small forearm tattoo featuring a verse from Isaiah. “It’s opened up more gospel conversations than my name tag ever did,” he said. “People actually stop and ask me what it means. Then we start talking about the Restoration.”

Mission presidents have been given broad discretion under the new guidelines, with instructions to “prayerfully evaluate each request” and to avoid approving tattoos that “reflect vanity, rebellion, or pop culture references."

Reactions across church membership have been mixed. Some older members expressed confusion, while others welcomed the move as a sign of the Church’s adaptability.

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