Skip to main content

Disclaimer:

Some book links on this site are Amazon affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. These commissions help support the work I do here.

[Satire] The Church is True Starting.... now

In a formal statement released this morning, the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced that, as of today, the Church is officially and fully true.

“For nearly 200 years, the Church has moved forward through continuing revelation,” said President Russell M. Nelson. “That process has brought us to this moment. As of 8:46 a.m. Mountain Time, we affirm that the Church is now doctrinally complete, organizationally aligned, and spiritually whole. The Church is true. Starting... now.”

President Dallin H. Oaks emphasized that the announcement does not deny or discredit the teachings of earlier prophets. “Everything that came before should be understood as part of what we already understood was a continuing restoration,” he said. “Today marks the point at which the gospel has officially been restored.”

The Church's official newsroom confirmed that all prior doctrinal contradictions, historical complexities, and structural inconsistencies have been reviewed, reconciled, and resolved through inspiration and united decision.

Moving forward, all teachings, policies, and declarations issued before this morning’s announcement will be classified under a new internal category: Preparatory Revelation. While still considered inspired, those materials are no longer binding in the same way as post-declaration instruction.

“This does not mean the Church was not led by God before,” said Elder Quentin L. Cook. “It means the restoration has reached its fullness. The truth has arrived in its final, reliable form.”

Leaders clarified that the Church will continue to receive revelation, but future messages will serve as refinements of the fully restored truth and are not to be confused with backpedaling. 



Labels:

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 1, 2025 at 3:01 PM

    You really have to be retarded to be a mormon in 2025.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Primary Questions: A Response

In response to my thoughts regarding the 2013 study on the LDS Faith Crisis , I had someone suggest that I read a talk by Lawrence E Corbridge. After a quick Google search, I found the talk they were referring to and wanted to share some thoughts on it. Here is the relevent exerpt from Corbridge's 2022 BYU devotional: ---------- Primary Questions and Secondary Questions: Begin by answering the primary questions. There are primary questions and there are secondary questions. Answer the primary questions first. Not all questions are equal and not all truths are equal. The primary questions are the most important. Everything else is subordinate. There are only a few primary questions. I will mention four of them. 1. Is there a God who is our Father? 2. Is Jesus Christ the Son of God, the Savior of the world? 3. Was Joseph Smith a prophet? 4. Is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the kingdom of God on the earth? By contrast, the secondary questions are unending...
Post a Comment
Read

Without the Mormon Lens: 1 - Introduction

 "I don't think Joseph Smith was a prophet"      Tears that I had been holding back finally broke free as I said the words I never thought I would say. The fear, the anger, the betrayal. The emotions that countless people who have lost their faith had felt, were rushing through me. I collapsed to the floor as this great realization washed over me.      I  had lost my faith.       It was gone.      I don't feel that it is important to share the events that led to my faith crisis, and honestly they are hard to explain. Like most people who leave the church, there were a number of issues that had piled up over the years. Items that were stacked on my shelf of concerns eventually became too much for the shelf to handle. It broke, and with it, my world shattered.      The grief was overwhelming. I had known nothing but Mormonism for my entire life, and the loss was the feeling of losing a loved one. An ...
1 comment
Read

Without the Mormon Lens: 12 - Attempt to Buy the Brass Plates

    Let's just pick up right where we left off , as Nephi and his brothers attempt to buy the plates from Laban. The Book of Mormon, pg 11 ~~~~~ The Book of Mormon ~~~~~      "And it came to pass that we went in unto Laban, and desired him that he would give unto us the records which were engraven upon the plates of brass, for which we would give unto him our gold, and our silver, and all our precious things."      "And it came to pass that when Laban saw our property, and that it was exceeding great, he did lust after it , insomuch that he thrust us out, and sent his servants to slay us, that he might obtain our property. And it came to pass that we did flee before the servants of Laban, and we were obliged to leave behind our property, and it fell into the hands of Laban." (pg 11) ~~~~~~~~~~      If we look for a similar story related to Joshua, we find the account of Achan, who stole the silver, and gold, and precious...
Post a Comment
Read