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[Satire] Mormon Church Announces Grand Prismatic Temple in Yellowstone National Park

 SALT LAKE CITY. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced plans today to construct the Grand Prismatic Temple near Yellowstone National Park's Grand Prismatic Spring. The temple will serve members throughout the Greater Yellowstone region while providing worthy visitors with an opportunity to worship in one of the world's most recognizable natural settings.



Church President Dallin H. Oaks announced the temple during a special localized broadcast, describing it as "another house of the Lord built to bless God's children and stand as a witness of Jesus Christ."


According to the Church, the temple will be positioned directly beyond the Grand Prismatic Spring, allowing the building to be visible from much of the existing boardwalk and observation areas. Officials said the location was selected following years of planning, prayer, environmental study, and consultation with local Church leaders.


The proposed site is located on federally protected land that is not owned by the Church. Church representatives acknowledged that no property agreement, construction permit, land transfer, or formal authorization has yet been secured.


Still, leaders expressed confidence that the project will proceed.


"We recognize that the Church does not currently own the proposed site," a spokesman said. "However, we believe the Lord has made His preferred location known. When God identifies a place for His house, questions of present ownership should not be mistaken for permanent obstacles."


The spokesman said the Church has the financial, administrative, and legal resources necessary to pursue the site through all available channels.


"The Church has extensive experience working with municipal, state, and federal authorities," he said. "We also have the resources and legal counsel needed to address complicated land-use questions patiently, respectfully, and persistently. We are confident that an appropriate path forward can be found."


Church officials did not specify whether they would seek a land exchange, congressional action, a long-term lease, a special-use authorization, or another arrangement. They said those details would be resolved as discussions progress.


"The important decision has already been made," the spokesman said. "The temple belongs in this location. The legal process will now be given time to align with that decision."


In addition to the temple, the project will include a visitors' center designed to welcome both temple guests and park visitors. Through a proposed cooperative agreement with the National Park Service, the facility would also function as a Yellowstone ranger station, allowing guests to obtain information about the park, its wildlife, geothermal safety, and the temple in a single location.


Church officials said the shared facility would reduce the need for separate buildings and reflect a mutual commitment to education, stewardship, and public service.


The announcement has generated concern among conservation organizations and frequent Yellowstone visitors. Critics have argued that the temple would occupy land preserved for public use, alter one of the nation's most recognizable landscapes, and establish a precedent for private religious development inside a national park.


Church representatives acknowledged those concerns while encouraging visitors to maintain perspective.


"If visitors would prefer not to look at it, they are under no obligation to do so," a Church spokesman said. "Yellowstone is an exceptionally large park with many other directions to face."


Officials also rejected suggestions that the temple would place an unreasonable strain on Yellowstone's infrastructure.


"The temple will increase visitation to the park," the spokesman said. "That growth will benefit surrounding communities, support local businesses, and encourage continued investment in roads, parking, transportation, and visitor facilities. We believe it represents a wise long-term investment for both the park and the region."


The Church said increased traffic should not be viewed solely as a burden.


"Growth often requires communities to expand their capacity," the statement said. "The presence of additional visitors creates both challenges and opportunities. With proper planning, the temple will strengthen the regional economy while helping more people experience Yellowstone."


Some critics have also questioned whether a privately operated religious building should be placed so prominently within land held for the benefit of the public. Church officials responded that religious freedom should be considered alongside conservation and public access.


"The fact that land is publicly owned does not mean sacred purposes should be automatically excluded from it," the spokesman said. "Public lands serve many people in many ways. We believe a house of the Lord can serve the public good while remaining faithful to its religious purpose."


Church leaders noted that many temples initially prompted public debate before becoming familiar landmarks within their communities.


"History has shown that temples are often resisted before they are understood," the spokesman said. "We believe the Grand Prismatic Temple will eventually be recognized as a defining feature of the Yellowstone landscape."


Officials also emphasized that the building's design was developed with careful consideration for its surroundings.


"Every effort has been made to ensure the temple complements the natural beauty of the area," the Church said. "The white granite exterior, landscaped grounds, and prominent location were selected to harmonize with the landscape while providing a visible symbol of faith and hope."


Construction will depend on federal approval, environmental review, negotiations concerning the land, and the resolution of any resulting legal challenges. Church leaders said those processes may take time but should not be interpreted as uncertainty about the project itself.


"The location has been prayerfully determined," the spokesman said. "The remaining work is procedural."


Additional details, including architectural renderings, legal arrangements, a groundbreaking date, and an anticipated completion schedule, will be announced as planning progresses.

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