Lucifer's Lantern

SALT LAKE CITY — General Conference attendance skyrocketed to record-breaking levels this weekend after rumors spread that free Costco samples would be available in the Conference Center following the Saturday afternoon session. Church officials were reportedly "shocked and delighted" to see every seat filled, with lines wrapping around Temple Square an hour before the session even began. "It was truly inspiring," said Elder James Crawford. "The Spirit was palpable. I haven’t seen this many people at Conference since President Hinckley’s funeral, and even that didn’t have this level of enthusiasm." The rumors began earlier in the week after an ambiguous post on the official church website mentioned "refreshments to follow." Speculation spread rapidly on social media, with one user posting, "If it’s Costco samples, I’m driving up from Arizona." Another added, "If they’ve got those mini quiches and the chicken bakes, I’m ...

SALT LAKE CITY — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has formally entered into an exclusive partnership with Windsor Kärcher Group, designating the Windsor Versamatic as the official vacuum cleaner for all Church facilities, including chapels, temples, and administrative buildings. “For decades, the Windsor Versamatic has been trusted by ward volunteers,” said Elder Craig L. Nielsen of the Church Facilities Department. “This decision reflects our commitment to maintaining a clean and reverent environment in every building where members gather.” The Windsor Versamatic, known for its commercial-grade performance and exceptional durability, is a dual-motor upright vacuum available in 14-inch and 18-inch models. It features a 1.6 HP vacuum motor and a separate 1.1 HP brush motor, allowing simultaneous suction and agitation for deep cleaning across high-traffic carpeted areas. The machine includes a three-stage filtration system, including a top-fill filter bag, moto...

PROVO, UT — After officially resigning from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, local resident Jared Simmons expected a significant shift in his relationships. Instead, he was surprised to find that most of his friends seemed largely indifferent to the news. Simmons, 32, had spent months mentally preparing for the fallout. “I assumed there would be some tough conversations, maybe even a few strained relationships,” he said. “I was prepared to lose some friends over this.” However, the reaction was far more muted than expected. When he told his close friend Josh about his decision, the response was underwhelming. “He just said, ‘Oh, okay,’ and moved on,” Simmons said. “I thought he’d want to know more, or at least ask why.” Simmons shared similar experiences with other friends. “I told a friend I’d officially left the Church, and she just said, ‘That makes sense,’ and kept talking about her weekend plans,” he said. “It felt like they barely registered what I was...

SALT LAKE CITY — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced a partnership with La-Z-Boy to provide more comfortable seating in Relief Society rooms, aiming to create a more welcoming and supportive environment for women’s meetings. “For years, we've heard from members that the seating in Relief Society rooms was uncomfortable and distracting,” said Elder Craig L. Nielsen of the Church’s Facilities Department. “We recognize the important role that Relief Society plays in the spiritual and social lives of our members, and we want to ensure that these meetings are as comfortable and inviting as possible.” The new seating will feature padded cushions with durable, stain-resistant fabric and ergonomic back support. Each chair will also have a slight reclining function to provide additional comfort during longer lessons and discussions. The fabric will be selected in soft, neutral tones to match the existing décor in Church buildings. “This upgrade reflects...

In a notable approach to celebrating the 183rd anniversary of the Relief Society (the womens organization of the LDS church), the recent worldwide devotional prominently featured Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as the central speaker. The Relief Society General Presidency- President Camille N. Johnson, Sister J. Anette Dennis, and Sister Kristin M. Yee also contributed messages during the event.

SALT LAKE CITY — Scholars have discovered the long-lost Book of Joseph , a sacred text Joseph Smith claimed to translate from Egyptian papyri that he acquired in 1835. Thought lost after Smith’s death, the manuscript was recently found in a private collection in New York City and authenticated by experts. But the contents have left many raising their eyebrows — because it’s basically one long prophecy about Joseph Smith himself. Vignette described in 1835 by Oliver Cowdery as coming from the Book of Joseph, allegedly depicting Eve's temptation by the serpent The Book of Joseph expands on the biblical story of Joseph of Egypt, describing his rise to power, prophetic dreams, and visions of Moses and the coming Messiah. But much of the text focuses on a future seer named Joseph who would "restore the fullness of truth" and "translate records from the dust." Dr. Andrew Marshall, professor of religious history at BYU, said, "It’s remarkab...